Broken Skies and Tired Hearts

It was a dark and stormy night...


Wrote Snoopy from the top of his red dog house. Or was it his WWI Sopwith Camel? Was that the sound of the Red Baron bearing down on him yet again? Would he be shot down behind enemy lines yet again? Alas, it was not to be. But there are some parallels, in the words of another classic character (but one experienced through a different medium), please, "let me 'splain."

Part I: Broken skies, crackling fires, and wet flip-flops.

It was a cool and cloudy afternoon. They said it would rain. (That's why we have our field trip tomorrow instead of today.) The skies said it would too. There I was, cramming my brain with more vocabulary in Hebrew class on Tuesday afternoon when there was a huge CRACK! followed by one of those "BOOM's" that keeps rolling around and around, sort of like when you're at a bowling alley and 7 people hit the pins at just about the same time. Talk about thunderclaps, that was thunder-applause.

Bill said that when there's thunder in Israel it means there will be rain. He didn't lie. Within 2 minutes it was pouring. Cats and Dogs-type pouring. But we were inside, so we just got to listen to the thunder and see an occasional flash. It was sort of like when jets were flying over and bombs were being dropped in Gaza, only much louder and much wetter :) In the hours that followed, it rained, and rained, and rained some more. Just before sleep it was raining some (like Salem fogging instead of real raining) and then it there was a flash and a crack-boom and it turned into Splash Mountain. It shook the windows and lit up the sky for over an hour, but it was late, so I put in earplugs and went to sleep to the gentle thud of thunder. Amazing weather from and amazing God. And He knows that Israel needs the rain. Pray that after tomorrow the rain hits again, it's SO important for this country to survive.
-If you're curious why part of this subtitle is wet flip flips let me give you one line that will help it all make sense: I live with a bunch of Californians. Enough said.

Part II: Sunset skies, red eyes, and tired hearts.

It all began with a shift. Not the little key on your computer that makes letters bigger than the rest. Not even that stick in your car, for those of you who actually go that route. I mean a shift in mindset. Actually, a shift in heartmind-set is maybe more accurate. I don't need to remind you of just yesterday and Bible study and all that. But I will explain the meaning of this subtitled section.

Number one: When I started this post before dinner the sun was beginning to set after a day of clouds. It was a beautiful pink and orange-pink that bathed my room in that glow that is all the better when you have just woken up from a nap (that's where the red eyes part comes in, even though it was just a half hour nap). I like sunsets a lot. I like naps a lot. A dynamic duo if I do say so myself.

Number two: tired hearts. That's what I have. Well, not tired hearts, but rather a tired heart. Since I only have one, contrary to what some might say - check the x-rays. I was sitting in class this morning, having everything I have ever really understood about reading the Bible challenged and being convicted and aching that I have wasted so much time in my life with dumb things. But I said that all too quickly, let me slow down.

One at a time... I had both of my Abner classes today, History of Ancient Israel and Life of Christ, which I absolutely love. They aren't hard by school standards. But they are killer by spiritual growth standards. I am constantly challenged to think harder than I do, to see what on my own I would never be able to see. When you see connections in Scripture that you could never find but once they are pointed out you think to yourself, "Self, duh, it's clear." But then you think back two hours later and remember the conclusion of it all but not the reasoning and you wonder how in the world your brain gets any of it, let alone how it will survive during 80 more days.

It's convicting in that it shows how little about the Scripture I know. The Old Testament is huge in our faith. The life of Christ is more than we really ever learn or teach it to be. There are amazing connections and inherent things that play huge roles in God's plan when you "look at it from a History of Ancient Israel perspective." (Abner's favorite line in that class). And certainly, "there are no mistakes in the life of Christ." (Abner's favorite line in that class :) Here's the clincher for me right now. I am realizing how much time I have wasted in my short life. (There is this good book by John Piper that comes to mind, read it if you can get your hands on it.)

I'm not at the end of my life where I look back and say in great pain, "I've wasted it! I've wasted it!" But I am at the 11th day of February in my 21st year of existence and I can look back over the last 10 years, even the last 7 (high school and later), and even worse, the last 2 and half spent in Bible college and I can see so many things that I have not done. So much of the Scripture that I do not know. So much of God that I just don't get because I haven't put in the time. I'm sick of it. Early today I felt so far behind that I don't know where to start. The jury is still out on that feeling. But I can say that a small cloud on the horizon is getting to be larger than a man's hand and soon I am going to have to hitch up my britches and outrun the chariot of an angry king. To dissect the metaphor inspired by my namesake: The cloud on the horizon is about rain some hope on me and I know the Spirit is good to help those who seek after the Lord and His Word. I just need to start moving my legs real fast and stay away from distractions and temptations. I'm hoping to avoid the depressed Elijah episode, but I would be ok with God speaking to me in a gentle whisper or still small voice or whatever your translation preference is.

That is sort of what a tired heart looks like in Israel right now.

Let us not worry about Eli, the red eyes line is not a subtle reference to crying about a rough day, nor is the above explanation a pity party. I told you from the start that you would hear about my life. What I learn, what I experience, what I struggle and wrestle with (oh! Mom! remind me to tell you about what I learned about Jacob wrestling with God!), what is on my mind and what is on my heart. Well you've gotten it in full force for the last couple of days. I do it for me, sure, but I do it so that maybe by tasting a bit of my life you can add some salt to your life. In the words of a little man named Paul, it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always (still working on that courage part:) Christ will be honored in my body (and mind!) whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain. May that be me. Let's pray that I get better at studying the Word -- for His glory.